You Only Die Once
by TitansRule
Summary: Jess's colleagues jump to conclusions and she reaches a rather disheartening one herself. Story #26 in my 'Kindred Spirits' series.


**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI:NY.  
****Series: 'Kindred Spirits'.  
****Spoilers: **_**You Only Die Once.**_

**Warning: This is a short one, because it's not easy to write Flangell when Flack's not cooperating by getting off with _that woman_. As a result, it is a little angsty.**

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"_Gold hair with a gentle curl … that's the girl he chose … and heaven knows … I'm not that girl …" _ _- 'I'm Not that Girl', Wicked._

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You Only Die Once

The first indication Jess received that something had happened was when she walked into the precinct that morning.

"Hey, Angell, you alright?" Thacker asked on his way out, uncharacteristic concern in his voice.

"Yeah …" Jess took a moment to wonder what had gotten into him, then slipped inside.

"Hey." Martinez greeted, squeezing her shoulder as he handed her a wad of paperwork. "You need anything?"

"No." Jess answered slowly.

"Oh my God!" Maka rushed over and gave her a tight hug. "Are you okay? Why didn't you stop him?"

"Stop who?" Jess asked in complete bewilderment.

"Flack, who else?" Maka rolled her eyes. "Sinclair is going to have his head on a platter for this?"

Jess's stomach dropped. "Why? What happened?"

The precinct went quiet.

"You were there." Vicari offered finally.

Jess frowned in thought. "I haven't seen Flack since yesterday afternoon. He had a date last night."

"Wasn't that with you?" Maka asked.

_I wish. _Jess laughed, wondering when that voice got so loud in her head instead of being a sly murmur in the back of her mind. "No. Some girl he met at the NYPD/FDNY charity hockey game. You know what he's like. What happened?"

"James Bond wannabes did it again. Hit my girlfriend's place this time." Don grumbled, stalking past her. "Ended up borrowing a cab and chasing them through Manhattan." He shot a glare at their colleagues. "Don't you all have work to be doing?"

"We have a non …" Jess trailed off as everyone went back to what they'd been doing, realising that Don probably already knew that. "Oh dear."

"And the Chief really wants to get these guys." Don added. "And one's turned up dead."

"So Sinclair turned up at the crime scene." Jess concluded, foregoing getting details in favour of teasing her partner. "Bet that was fun."

"'Next time you wanna run up a $60 cab fare, you do it on your own time.'" Don recited in a low voice. "And then he told us to do everything in our power to catch the 'showboats'."

"And he doesn't think that that might just involve a chase?" Jess asked.

"Obviously not." Don grumbled.

"Well, _someone_ didn't get some last night." Jess teased.

Don gave her a dirty look. "Well, no, Detective Angell, because I was too busy chasing down a couple of guys who'd just broken into my girlfriend's apartment."

The smile slipped from Jess's face. "Don, I was joking." She told him, injecting more indignity into her voice than was necessary.

It was either let him think he'd offended her in some way or risk him realising that she was hurt a lot more by what he'd said than she should have been.

A soft smile appeared on Don's face and he squeezed her arm briefly as he leaned past her to grab something from his desk. "I know. Sorry; I didn't mean to snap at you."

Jess shook her head. "I know. Save your frustration for when you catch the guys." She checked her phone as it went off. "I got a homicide in Central Park. See you later."

She didn't wait around to hear his response, because, for the first time, she wasn't sure when 'later' was.

When she reached her car, she sat for a few minutes in silence, staring at the steering wheel.

She'd seen Don date women. A lot of women. And she knew the reputation he had.

But she also knew that the reputation wasn't accurate.

Don didn't date women to get them into bed. Yes, his relationships were usually one- or two- night stands, but they weren't notches on a bed-post; they knew what they were doing.

But Don also wasn't one to date for the hell of it.

She knew that nothing big had happened with this one yet and last night was their third date.

Jess had seen women that stayed around for four or five dates.

"_My girlfriend's apartment …"_

He'd never referred to them like that before. 'Girlfriend' indicated commitment and that scared him.

_So did the bomb. _A voice in her head reminded her. _After how a year affected him he could have decided that life was too short to be scared by things like commitment._

Jess closed her eyes, trying to will the tightening in her chest to evaporate. She'd known this would happen eventually.

_But everyone thinks you're a couple! Why would they, unless they thought he had feelings for you?_

Immediately, Jess shot the thought down in her mind. _We spend a lot of time together. Everyone thought Danny and Lindsay were together a long time before they actually were. And a lot of people seem to think Mac and Stella having something going on … Though he's still with Peyton as far as I know._

She forced her thoughts not to wonder to what might or might not be happening between the two CSIs, focusing instead on her own situation.

She'd known there was no chance that Don would ever look twice at her, not in that way. She was a realist, not a romanticist; she didn't believe in white knights and 'happy ever afters'.

She just had to try to rid herself of any fleeting hope that something might happen between them.

_This is why you don't fall for co-workers. _She chided herself, studiously ignoring the fact that, for once, her emotions were out of her control. _Maybe I'd be better off getting a transfer ... this might hurt less away from him._

She shook her head, dismissing the thought immediately. _I need him too much._

Jess knew she couldn't - wouldn't - do this job without him. She'd just have to face facts.

There was a woman in his life now and even if she wasn't going to stay that long, another would take her place.

And it would never be her.

**

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AN: Regarding the song lyrics at the beginning; I don't usually include them and I'm not one for writing song-fics. But I was listening to the song earlier and I really think that might be Jess's thought process. Out of interest, what colour hair does Devon have? Because I've always thought she was blonde – maybe strawberry blonde at a push – but I've read some fanfics that say she's a redhead. So what do we think?**

**Review please!**


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